Should I have an affair?

What can start as a seemingly harmless flirtation can see us teetering on the edge of straying from our partner into a full blown affair.  Or we can meet someone who knocks us for six and agonise over what it means in terms of our existing relationship.

Your moral compass is unique to you and there aren’t really any rights or wrongs when it comes to fidelity in relationships.  For some people, monogamy is an absolute must, whereas others embrace everything from flings to full on open relationships.

Whatever we choose to do in our lives, it’s always better to make a conscious choice. So if you find yourself being drawn towards someone else, here are a few questions that will help you delve into what could be playing out at a much deeper level.

1/Does this other person feel familiar in a way that just can’t be explained by anything rational?  You may have a past life connection that is pulling you towards them in this life.  As we go through lives, we all meet lots of different people with whom we no doubt have past life connections.  That energy of knowing and connection at a level that goes back through incarnations can be a heady and confusing cocktail, however. We can think that it means we ‘should’ be together in this lifetime, but that’s not necessarily the case.

2/Is whatever is sparking up between you and someone else a mirror of what has fallen stale in your existing relationship?  On discovering that her husband was having an affair, a friend of mine found the number of the other woman, called her and calmly asked, ‘Can we swap roles for a day?  It’s just that he’s left the bathroom in a right old state again.  I was hoping you could come round and clean it and I’ll meet him for lunch this once.’  Think about what emotional energy the other person represents.  Is it passion, excitement, adventure?  Has than evaporated between you and your existing partner?  Can you bring it back?

3/How would you feel if your partner had an affair?  Asking ourselves this question can be enough to snap us back from the brink of the kind of mental gymnastics we can go through as we justify why it’s Okay for us to do something we otherwise know isn’t quite right.  It’s something to wonder about in relation to those ‘harmless’ flirtations, too.  It might just be one saucy text, but how would you feel if your partner texted the same thing to someone else?  Another good question to ask is, how would you feel about doing the same thing in front of your partner?  If you wouldn’t casually snuggle up to someone else with your partner present, maybe it’s best not to do it when they aren’t there.

4/Does this other person represent a part of yourself you’ve lost or wish you had?  Maybe they’re really strong and competent, or maybe they’re really good at something you admire.  Often in relationships we are drawn towards the qualities in someone else that we lack in ourselves.  Could you be a bit more of what they are? And if so, how does that change the way you feel?

5/Are you creating a ‘three legged stool’?  Psychologists talk about this when they are referring to a relationship between two people that only survives because of what is added by someone else.  Perhaps your partner fulfils every need you have apart from emotional intimacy, which you get with this other person.  Or maybe they supply the excitement.  Actually, most partnerships need a network of all kinds of support as it’s just not possible for one person to meet all of your needs, but this is a slightly different scenario as there is something a bit more binding about the whole thing.  The trouble is, the presence of the third leg of the stool can actually stop you developing what they supply with your partner because you fall into the habit of getting it elsewhere.  And in truth it stops the person outside the relationship going on to form a healthy partnership of their own.

It’s also worth remembering that when we sleep with someone it has a quantum effect. Our energy becomes entangled with whoever we sleep with.  That means we not only have an energetic link with them, but also where they are in their life, which in turn impacts us.

Whatever you do decide to do is up to you.  Every decision we make has karmic consequences and sets causes in motion that we might not intend but that we can’t shrug off.  So perhaps the final and most important question we can ask ourselves is, if I were to go ahead with this affair, how would it affect the evolution of my soul?

Loads of love,

Michele x

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